tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post7669899868937689955..comments2023-08-28T08:28:57.052-05:00Comments on Mara Writes: I'm a Real Writer Now!Mara Nashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14628961488068784772noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-8454668599238193432010-11-08T15:04:31.012-06:002010-11-08T15:04:31.012-06:00Yay for calling yourself a real writer!!! That'...Yay for calling yourself a real writer!!! That's fantastic news!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-33462046162603817662010-11-05T20:44:19.662-05:002010-11-05T20:44:19.662-05:00Mara - I grabbed your logline -if you have a more ...Mara - I grabbed your logline -if you have a more up-to-date version - feel free to email me - steenah@telus.netSteena Holmeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03585255306121495098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-2920847912487925722010-11-05T07:36:57.728-05:002010-11-05T07:36:57.728-05:00It's a great story/premise, Mara, but I do agr...It's a great story/premise, Mara, but I do agree there is too much information. I have the same problem with my own logline and it's actually easier to see why too long/too much info is a problem when reading other people's!<br /><br />Do we need to know she's a grad student? Or about her absent family? 'the father she never knew' is enough, tells us the same thing.<br /><br />Here's a stab... still too long I think:<br /><br />"When Holly Reed discovers she’s half faerie and the father she never knew sees her as a mistake he must dispose of before he starts a war with humankind, she is forced to choose between forfeiting her humanity in order to accept the protection of a faerie who claims he’s her soul mate, or to return to human life, giving up her new magic, her new family, and the man she’s grown to love."Sandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07879870635626279036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-51253586283930253302010-11-04T16:35:55.176-05:002010-11-04T16:35:55.176-05:00That is one loongg sentence :)
Try this.
Introdu...That is one loongg sentence :)<br /><br />Try this.<br /><br />Introduce your protag, (grad student Holly), a little world-building (half faerie), the antag (her father?), what she wants and why she can't get it.<br /><br />Too much information makes a pitch bulky. Think of it as a hook instead of a summary.<br /><br />Try to get it down to 40 words.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-6423675969930596852010-11-04T14:50:02.168-05:002010-11-04T14:50:02.168-05:00Grad student Holly Reed discovers she's half f...Grad student Holly Reed discovers she's half faerie when her absentee renegade father tries to dispose of her before starting a war with humankind. Holly is plunged into a new world where she must either accept the protection of a faerie who claims to be her soulmate or have her memory wiped and return to her human life by giving up her new magic, her new family, and the man she's grown to love.<br /><br />Still love the premise, just tried to tighten some.Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-40778907113575022010-11-04T08:46:20.622-05:002010-11-04T08:46:20.622-05:00Sorry about the rejections, hoping requests follow...Sorry about the rejections, hoping requests follow soon! I haven't participated in NaNo, but do cheerlead for those who do ... Happy writing :)Joannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03972054718663959694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-14270489584749221152010-11-03T22:06:42.333-05:002010-11-03T22:06:42.333-05:00I know it's trite, but you only ever really fa...I know it's trite, but you only ever really fail if you never try at all. <br /><br />Great logline! It's a bit long, but I definitely read the book!Kate @Midnight Book Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01220575670960466054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-9522161188704979672010-11-03T17:04:52.623-05:002010-11-03T17:04:52.623-05:00Hi Mara,
Rejections means something - they mean y...Hi Mara,<br /><br />Rejections means something - they mean you actually submitted, so be proud of that.<br /><br />As for your logline, I prefer the first one. It was short and to the point. Yes, it raised questions - questions that might prompt a reader to want more of the story.<br /><br />The second one is too wordy, which might lead an agent to believe the story might be as well. Pare it down to something between the two loglines, but not much longer than the first.<br /><br />The story sounds intriguing...I wish you luck!roh morgonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06823641709307631626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-10849181805889586332010-11-03T16:19:13.973-05:002010-11-03T16:19:13.973-05:00I've never written my own log line...so all I ...I've never written my own log line...so all I can say is yours intrigued me and I'd read your book! So, it accomplished its purpose, right (sorry to say I'm not an agent!) I'm still a few rejections ahead of you, but congrats on your first two. I'm sure there's a request out there coming your way soon. Until it does though, we have 2 awards for you back at our blog. Super job on making your first day's nano goal! woo hoo! christyerica and christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13074820593371226159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-16161259649617103212010-11-02T22:17:09.592-05:002010-11-02T22:17:09.592-05:00You have the right attitude. Rejections are the st...You have the right attitude. Rejections are the stripes you take along your path to publication. <br />Wear them proudly. :)<br /><br />Loved your logline!Kathi Oram Petersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11959149321213743448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-42494556663539820272010-11-02T21:17:42.954-05:002010-11-02T21:17:42.954-05:00Interesting premise, but I think you could lose a ...Interesting premise, but I think you could lose a lot of the sub plot info and still convey the conflict. I would suggest something like:<br /><br />Holly Reid discovers she is half fairie after her estranged father tries to kill her (a brief reason should go here). Now,in order to survive, she must choose between (note the conflict here)and (the other choice here). <br /><br /> This is much shorter, but the reader gets the main idea. If he/she wants to know more, then you can elaborate. <br /><br />I hope this helps. If it's any consolation, I just posted my fourth revision and am about to begin the fifth. Condensing a complex plot into two sentences is daunting. Good luck.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501918398545296619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-32843849758108318002010-11-02T21:02:17.241-05:002010-11-02T21:02:17.241-05:00I really like the logline - every single word. Aw...I really like the logline - every single word. Awesome.<br /><br />I've only rec'd about 10 rejections - in uhm, 3 years. Yeah, I'm not very brave about querying.<br /><br />Good luck in your own adventures. *high fives*<br /><br />.......dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-37251321482169043362010-11-02T18:09:48.039-05:002010-11-02T18:09:48.039-05:00Rejections pave the path to publishing. Great Job ...Rejections pave the path to publishing. Great Job getting your first two. <br /><br />visit my query letter blogfest happening from dec. 12-18th @<br /><br />http://jodilhenry.blogspot.com/p/query-letter-blogfest-page.html<br /><br />Woohoo for NaNo.<br /><br />JJodi Henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216373059861459896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2679123027334100715.post-91356489503027122522010-11-02T17:48:07.032-05:002010-11-02T17:48:07.032-05:00Rejections fun aren't they? Its great to see t...Rejections fun aren't they? Its great to see the positive in it, which it sounds like you are. Good luck with your future ones!Summer Rosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08122694893668693244noreply@blogger.com