Agent Pitch Redux

Credit: Margaret Dean

For those few of you who might show up here looking for my revised twitter-length pitch for Shelley Watters' Epic Follower Blogfest/Contest, below are my original pitch and the two potential revisions.

Original:   Fate has love and death plans for Holly McCray, whether she believes in him or not.

Revision One:   Fate has love-and-death plans for Holly McCray, but she's never been one to accept fate without question, and she's not about to start now.

Revision Two:  A fae warrior willing to risk his life to keep a promise, a woman bold enough to question Fate, and a prophecy that will bind them together.

Whatta ya think? Any better? Or back to the drawing board?